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Koala Fever

 


Forest Greene is home alone. Well, he isn't quite alone. Sharing the house with him are 82 koalas, 3 kangaroos, a whole mob of wallabies, wombats and possums, 5 bandicoots, a flock of fruit-bats, lots of frogs, a goanna, a Tasmanian devil, an echidna, a dingo, a dog called Neighbours, an Eastern spotted quoll, an emu and 15 different species of birds. Add to that the fact that Forest is allergic to koalas and it's minus 50 degrees outside. But all that is the least of Forest's problems because the world is about to end and only he can prevent it. But he doesn't know how. Oh, and did I mention Pollyanna the hungry 6 metre python that has everyone trapped upstairs in Forest's bedroom?

How To Carry Pythons

by Forest Greene

Rule 1: Make sure it is a python. (These rules don’t apply to carrying other sorts of snakes, or koalas.)

Rule 2: Make sure you know which end is the head.

Rule 3: Make sure there are enough people. You need one person for every metre of python.

Rule 4: Everyone should be one metre apart.

Rule 5: Short people shouldn’t stand between tall people.

Rule 6: Tall people shouldn’t stand between short people.

Rule 7: Nervous people should be closer to the end of the python that hasn’t got a head on it.

Rule 8: There should be at least one not-nervous person.

Rule 9: When lifting the python, everyone should do it together.

Rule 10: Make sure the person at the front has the end with the head on it. (Pythons don’t like being carried backwards.)

Rule 11: Make sure the person at the front is the person from Rule 8.

Rule 12: Make sure the person at the front knows where they are going.

Rule 13: Make sure you all walk at exactly the same speed.

Rule 14: Don’t trip over.

Rule 15: Don’t lean forward and say ‘Hissssss!’ in the ear of the person in front of you.

Rule 16: If you get an itch, ask someone who’s not carrying the python to scratch it for you.

Rule 17: When putting the python down, everyone should do it at the same time.

Rule 18: No one should let go of the python before everyone else. (It works best if the person from Rule 8 says, ‘One, two, three~LET GO!’)

Rule 19: After Rule 18, everyone should run away as fast as they can.

Rule 20 (the Golden Rule for carrying pythons): Remember that pythons kill their prey by twisting around them and then crushing them to death in their coils, so KEEP THE PYTHON STRAIGHT AT ALL TIMES!

Happy python carrying!

 


 


 



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